Sitting alone tonight I wonder to myself the point in which you identify yourself to be much to dependent on another human being. At which point is it too much? Who decides if it's too much? But what about dependency on people just in general not a single person just anyone, anyone that can assist you in putting one foot in front of the other. Helping and guiding you through the days.
Why do we choose to depend on people when it is so common that people let us down, leaving us with a tremendous quantity of despair and heart ache. People leave.. all the time. thus is life! The way of the world. Change is the inevitable. At the end of the day you can either choose to accept or fight dearly in hope that things will stay the same.
When i decided to start this blog i wasn't quite sure of what i was going to write about however it seems that most of my posts are not of a happy nature. I think i'm using this as a way to vent. Without putting pen to paper and without having to explain my feelings or the situation to someone. It's just here. No questions asked and i like that. I'm not writing this for attention nor am i concerned whether anyone reads this. This blog is for me.
Saturday 10 December 2011
Tuesday 22 November 2011
Belief in the good..
Trust is a funny concept is it not?
It can take a lifetime to gain.. then an instant to diminish..
In my world it doesn't take much to gain my trust. Some would say that simply makes me silly, maybe even a little naive. But all i wanted was to believe the very best in the world, the very best in the people that are in it.. Silly me? Yes.. maybe, because due to the want to believe in the good i've found myself caught up in the bad. With only myself to blame? Still.. it's sad is it not? That due to the astounding amount of evil present in our everyday lives you must change your being to accomodate for those who are so readily willing to betray you.. In ways that you never thought possible. It's sad that you can't be willing and open and loving and that pays off for you.. In this day and age your advised to be..protected.. Emotionally, physically. Put up a wall and you won't find yourself where i find myself today.. But what kind of person does that make you? If you go through life guarded and afraid then can you really classify it as living?
From the events that have taken place over these past few days i've learnt a thing or two. Unfortunatly not everyone is a good person and sometimes people are going to betray you.. It the way of the world it seems despite how unfortunate it may be.. The second things i've learnt that i am better than this situation.. If that means i am saying that i am better then you then so be it because despite common belief i held my moral ground throughout this entire ordeal.. I must admit that i have never had too much trouble with people throughout high school. I get along with people and believe that i treat them with the repect that everyone deserves. So it's been such a shock to me to have this harassment occur, particualarly when the reasoning behind it all is truly not proven and not that it seems to matter but it's also not true.. This dilema has put much of a burden on my world. With keeping that in mind i think of all the people that deal with problems of this nature on an everyday basis. It saddens me to the core that such malicious behaviour is apparent in out society today. especially at this age.. I think about it over and over and can't understand how people can hold such hate in their hearts, much drive to persue in making ones world a living hell. Things are really not that bad for me in the broad overveiw of everything. But the matters that have occured of late have really triggered a sadness inside of me to think that people make other people feel this way as part of their everyday routine.
Despite me feeling bad for those who must deal with this.. i feel bad for those of you out there that need us to make youselves feel better. Shame on you for failing the test.. Showing us everyday your lack of moral high ground. You make us look good by being so utterly awful and because of this i will be stronger at the end of the day.. You however will continue to sink. Don't expect for us to help you when you crumble..
It can take a lifetime to gain.. then an instant to diminish..
In my world it doesn't take much to gain my trust. Some would say that simply makes me silly, maybe even a little naive. But all i wanted was to believe the very best in the world, the very best in the people that are in it.. Silly me? Yes.. maybe, because due to the want to believe in the good i've found myself caught up in the bad. With only myself to blame? Still.. it's sad is it not? That due to the astounding amount of evil present in our everyday lives you must change your being to accomodate for those who are so readily willing to betray you.. In ways that you never thought possible. It's sad that you can't be willing and open and loving and that pays off for you.. In this day and age your advised to be..protected.. Emotionally, physically. Put up a wall and you won't find yourself where i find myself today.. But what kind of person does that make you? If you go through life guarded and afraid then can you really classify it as living?
From the events that have taken place over these past few days i've learnt a thing or two. Unfortunatly not everyone is a good person and sometimes people are going to betray you.. It the way of the world it seems despite how unfortunate it may be.. The second things i've learnt that i am better than this situation.. If that means i am saying that i am better then you then so be it because despite common belief i held my moral ground throughout this entire ordeal.. I must admit that i have never had too much trouble with people throughout high school. I get along with people and believe that i treat them with the repect that everyone deserves. So it's been such a shock to me to have this harassment occur, particualarly when the reasoning behind it all is truly not proven and not that it seems to matter but it's also not true.. This dilema has put much of a burden on my world. With keeping that in mind i think of all the people that deal with problems of this nature on an everyday basis. It saddens me to the core that such malicious behaviour is apparent in out society today. especially at this age.. I think about it over and over and can't understand how people can hold such hate in their hearts, much drive to persue in making ones world a living hell. Things are really not that bad for me in the broad overveiw of everything. But the matters that have occured of late have really triggered a sadness inside of me to think that people make other people feel this way as part of their everyday routine.
Despite me feeling bad for those who must deal with this.. i feel bad for those of you out there that need us to make youselves feel better. Shame on you for failing the test.. Showing us everyday your lack of moral high ground. You make us look good by being so utterly awful and because of this i will be stronger at the end of the day.. You however will continue to sink. Don't expect for us to help you when you crumble..
Saturday 24 September 2011
Enlightened to the world..
When you loose sombody you spend days, weeks and months contemplating on what went wrong. You search through the entirity of your memories and thoughts only to find you can't specifically pin point a certain moment where it all began to tumble rapidly downhill.
Mood, forgotten. Not only is it completly wastful to cry until your blazing eyes cannot physically produce another tear, it's also pointless, so i avoid such things. What exactly does crying help anyway? Of corse other than assisting you to feel an immense amount of self pity. What good does that do? for anyone? You need to come to the pathetically sad realization that you just painfully wasted an extensive amount of time on something that is now simply...gone. Never to blossom again and if it does will most likely fail, miserably.
Despite the issues in the relationship part of you feels entirely responsible. What if things had been different? What if i had of called more? What if i tried just that little harder? All questions that you continously ask yourself in a desperate attempt to analysis the fault. Was there a fault? Or must i come to the realization what i was giving was never going to be good enough..
The painful truth is that change is inevitable and forever isn't real. At least not in relationships. At least not at 16.. I think even though the words 'always and forever' are spoken, in the moment you say them you second guess it all. I knew forever was a ridiculous belief to have but the feeling in the very pitt of your stomach gives you hope, it makes you believe..
Always seeking more, it's the way of the world. Don't we thrive for moments of clarity, moments that give us hope and something to believe in. love, love, love. Who needs it? me? you? humanity? Of corse we do. We are programmed in a way that craves the safeness of company. Another human being to share your world with. Normal right? What is normal?
I hate hate.. Yet it's close to impossible to not feel a sence of resentment towards the very person or thing that made you feel so god damn empty. Did i do the right thing? maybe. So many things to consider.
I however can now work on the parts of my world that quietly suffered during the past 2 years of my life. I am now.. free? Free fallin. Despite the pain i've gained my youth. I feel stronger, even on my weakest of days. It gets better. I'm going to be ok. The world still turns. I get by on the new found knowledge that tommorrow is going to be easier then today. So will the next day. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
The end isn't always so horrific if you find the excellance in it..
Mood, forgotten. Not only is it completly wastful to cry until your blazing eyes cannot physically produce another tear, it's also pointless, so i avoid such things. What exactly does crying help anyway? Of corse other than assisting you to feel an immense amount of self pity. What good does that do? for anyone? You need to come to the pathetically sad realization that you just painfully wasted an extensive amount of time on something that is now simply...gone. Never to blossom again and if it does will most likely fail, miserably.
Despite the issues in the relationship part of you feels entirely responsible. What if things had been different? What if i had of called more? What if i tried just that little harder? All questions that you continously ask yourself in a desperate attempt to analysis the fault. Was there a fault? Or must i come to the realization what i was giving was never going to be good enough..
The painful truth is that change is inevitable and forever isn't real. At least not in relationships. At least not at 16.. I think even though the words 'always and forever' are spoken, in the moment you say them you second guess it all. I knew forever was a ridiculous belief to have but the feeling in the very pitt of your stomach gives you hope, it makes you believe..
Always seeking more, it's the way of the world. Don't we thrive for moments of clarity, moments that give us hope and something to believe in. love, love, love. Who needs it? me? you? humanity? Of corse we do. We are programmed in a way that craves the safeness of company. Another human being to share your world with. Normal right? What is normal?
I hate hate.. Yet it's close to impossible to not feel a sence of resentment towards the very person or thing that made you feel so god damn empty. Did i do the right thing? maybe. So many things to consider.
I however can now work on the parts of my world that quietly suffered during the past 2 years of my life. I am now.. free? Free fallin. Despite the pain i've gained my youth. I feel stronger, even on my weakest of days. It gets better. I'm going to be ok. The world still turns. I get by on the new found knowledge that tommorrow is going to be easier then today. So will the next day. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
The end isn't always so horrific if you find the excellance in it..
Friday 10 June 2011
Good morning world!
Woke up late on this fine satuday morning (aha! i wish). On saturdays my dad and i have made a little tradition that we do the grocery shoppings early saturday mornings! I love going with him, just not so much the early morning starts!
So thats the way my day started today.
Today i'm feeling, quite entranced with the beauty of the gleaming sun, we haven't seen it for a little while. What a pleasure to wake today to a bright blue sky and bright sun!
i'm spending the day inside! well tidying my room and it is quite apparent to me that i need to finish a english assesment, bleh! Would be a nice day to spend in the park.
Off to spend the night with a friend, teaching her a dance we're learning for our local dance festival which is only 2 weeks away! quite exciting. Hoping on a nice girly night, then no plans are apparent for tommorrow! I love weekends so much, even if all i do is sit at home and work on assignments. The free time is great and luckily for me this weekend is a long one, for the Queens birthday. I wish i got a public holiday on my birthday, would be bliss. Although i must say i love the attention at school on your birthday!
I'm am however missing someone today, unfortunantly.
One of the worse feelings i believe. Keeping busy though! Maybe i'll do something constructive today! Think big they say.
Hope everyone enjoys this nice day, and the rest of your hopefully wonderful weekend.
The perfectly imperfect princess.
Hello, out there!
As you may have guessed, yes i'm new! Have always been interested in having a blog i just have never sat down and actually wrote one, well not a proper one! So my first post i thought i'd introduce myself to you, whoever it is that you are!
I'm Shannon, Shannon Maree the perfectly imperfect princecss! I'm still in school, with an idea of what i want to do when i leave even though i'm a couple of years off yet! I have been bought up in a family with good morals and i believe that has bettered who i am as a person! I'm lucky to have what i have and i certainly don't take that for granted! I'm not extrodinary or brilliant but i do try to be a good person. I have 3 bestfriends that i love dearly and a boyfriend that i truly couldn't live without. I try to surround myself with genuine people, i dislike faulsenss. I also hate people who judge people by there exterior, or sterotype certain people!
I dance, even if i don't dance well i love it! It's cetainly something that i am passionate about. I love watching it the most, i just find it so extrodinary the way a persons movement through the body can tell such an intricate story or portray such deep emotions. I love all the little things in life and the moments that at the time don't seem so amazing only when you look back they still give you an incredible feeling of warmth. I love the rain, especially before i go to sleep on a restless night. Nothing helps me sleep better, well other then the thought of my incredible boyfriend. Corny? yes, probably but i'm so inlove!
My mum would have to be one of the most amazing people i know, she's always there for me when i need her and i know i can always depend on her. She's just one of the people that you are so grateful that you have in your life. I also have a big sister, she's always been one of the most influential people in my world although over this year we have difted, i still feel a warmth at the thought of her. She's a good person and i love her beyond words. I then have my two brothers who yes i do infact like, abit, maybe a little love!? But then theres the funniest most lovable man i know, my father who has given me unconditional love no matter what. He is certainly someone in my life that couldn't be replaced! I have an amazing family, lucky yes i know alot of people don't have it the way i do. My family is just so tight knit, i wouldn't have it any other way!
I read, i listen to music, i laugh, i cry and i struggle with the everyday issues of my teenage world. I've always been quite a self concious person, i don't like being judged! over these past couple of years that has altered, slowly i'm starting to accept myself and moving on from the importance of my exterior. Beauty is on the inside a hell of alot more than it is on the outside even though society have brainwashed us other wise. Theres always a constant struggle meeting the standards set by the media. Your either to fat or too skinny, too smart or too dumb, to fake or too real it's a loosing battle!
I'm trying this new thing this year, it's called trying to relax, be myself and try my hardest to reach my potential even if sometimes i struggle beyond words and fall short of the person i dream to be. We're all in the same boat, every single one of us. We're just dealt different cards. Everyone feels, believes, dreams and hurts and i'm certainly no exception...
the perfectly imperfect princess..
I'm Shannon, Shannon Maree the perfectly imperfect princecss! I'm still in school, with an idea of what i want to do when i leave even though i'm a couple of years off yet! I have been bought up in a family with good morals and i believe that has bettered who i am as a person! I'm lucky to have what i have and i certainly don't take that for granted! I'm not extrodinary or brilliant but i do try to be a good person. I have 3 bestfriends that i love dearly and a boyfriend that i truly couldn't live without. I try to surround myself with genuine people, i dislike faulsenss. I also hate people who judge people by there exterior, or sterotype certain people!
I dance, even if i don't dance well i love it! It's cetainly something that i am passionate about. I love watching it the most, i just find it so extrodinary the way a persons movement through the body can tell such an intricate story or portray such deep emotions. I love all the little things in life and the moments that at the time don't seem so amazing only when you look back they still give you an incredible feeling of warmth. I love the rain, especially before i go to sleep on a restless night. Nothing helps me sleep better, well other then the thought of my incredible boyfriend. Corny? yes, probably but i'm so inlove!
My mum would have to be one of the most amazing people i know, she's always there for me when i need her and i know i can always depend on her. She's just one of the people that you are so grateful that you have in your life. I also have a big sister, she's always been one of the most influential people in my world although over this year we have difted, i still feel a warmth at the thought of her. She's a good person and i love her beyond words. I then have my two brothers who yes i do infact like, abit, maybe a little love!? But then theres the funniest most lovable man i know, my father who has given me unconditional love no matter what. He is certainly someone in my life that couldn't be replaced! I have an amazing family, lucky yes i know alot of people don't have it the way i do. My family is just so tight knit, i wouldn't have it any other way!
I read, i listen to music, i laugh, i cry and i struggle with the everyday issues of my teenage world. I've always been quite a self concious person, i don't like being judged! over these past couple of years that has altered, slowly i'm starting to accept myself and moving on from the importance of my exterior. Beauty is on the inside a hell of alot more than it is on the outside even though society have brainwashed us other wise. Theres always a constant struggle meeting the standards set by the media. Your either to fat or too skinny, too smart or too dumb, to fake or too real it's a loosing battle!
I'm trying this new thing this year, it's called trying to relax, be myself and try my hardest to reach my potential even if sometimes i struggle beyond words and fall short of the person i dream to be. We're all in the same boat, every single one of us. We're just dealt different cards. Everyone feels, believes, dreams and hurts and i'm certainly no exception...
the perfectly imperfect princess..
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